I'm starting to realize more and more about what's going on.
I'm seeing that more than anything else God is really like an artist.
The reality is that God is less worried about everything going right...
but more so about building layers, textures, and depth with all colors.
The process isn't always beautiful... sometimes even ugly as unfinished,
confused expressions haunt the work as it grasps to put meaning in
colors that do not seem to fit.... why would He do that to me?

It's the passion of the process that brings about something so beautiful.
The motive was always beauty... The end is beautiful...
Nobody could call it otherwise.
So it's really less about having everything go right and more about pulling the beauty out of the process.

It is beautiful.
Every fingerprint left in compassion with the capacity to change...
To learn to love, forgive, and to heal.

The Subprime Mortgage Crisis

Because I did not qualify, and you chose me still.
The risk premium was costly.
The investment shaky.

His grace towards me says so much about him... but maybe just as much about me.

To fear the Lord is to really care about His opinion more than others... and my own.
And there lies my struggle... As hard as I might want to try to give up on myself, He refuses to give up on me... As soon as I try to settle for a life that is below what I am called to, that is when He speaks to me most clearly... This is where we disagree... He tells me I'm worth so much more.

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world and yet lose his soul...
This has never been so clear.
What do you do when you don't want the world you've gained?
You try to get your soul back...

Another default... one more foreclosure... bankrupt again...
The policy never changes
His grace is sufficient.
His provision endless.